Overheard at the Airport

Setup: This absurdly creepy man sat next to me on a plane and was telling me about his “girlfriend” from Kiev that he met online and was going to visit.  This is merely a sample of the nuggets of pleasantness that came from this man’s mouth.

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Creepy Guy Named Rex:  My mother passed away a month ago.  I see how my dad is now, and I really don’t ever want to be alone like that.

Me, Pressed Against the Wall of the Airplane in Sheer Terror: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.

CGNR: Oh it’s okay.  It was actually a freak accident.  She fell down the last four stairs in the basement, hit her head, and drowned in a pool of her own blood.

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CGNR:  So the first time I met my girlfriend in person, we got to the hotel and there were two twin beds…so we [pantomimes moving the beds together].  Then in the morning, I notice that she puts on the SAME underwear as the day before.  Then the next day, she puts on the SAME pair of underwear.  I asked her how many pairs she has, and she says “two.”  So I went out and bought her a week’s worth of underwear, and said that American girls change their underwear up to four times a day!

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CGNR: I stopped dating American two years ago.