Overheard at the Airport

CLE to PHL

Woman #1: I can read Portuguese, since I know Spanish.  But READING Portuguese is different from UNDERSTANDING Portuguese.

Woman #2: Yeah.  Portuguese is Spanish with a stroke.


Posted in Cleveland

LGA

Woman on phone: “Oh, hi honey…no, I’m not sober.”


CLE to IAD

Setup: This absurdly creepy man sat next to me on a plane and was telling me about his “girlfriend” from Kiev that he met online and was going to visit.  This is merely a sample of the nuggets of pleasantness that came from this man’s mouth.

————————————-

Creepy Guy Named Rex:  My mother passed away a month ago.  I see how my dad is now, and I really don’t ever want to be alone like that.

Me, Pressed Against the Wall of the Airplane in Sheer Terror: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.

CGNR: Oh it’s okay.  It was actually a freak accident.  She fell down the last four stairs in the basement, hit her head, and drowned in a pool of her own blood.

————————————-

CGNR:  So the first time I met my girlfriend in person, we got to the hotel and there were two twin beds…so we [pantomimes moving the beds together].  Then in the morning, I notice that she puts on the SAME underwear as the day before.  Then the next day, she puts on the SAME pair of underwear.  I asked her how many pairs she has, and she says “two.”  So I went out and bought her a week’s worth of underwear, and said that American girls change their underwear up to four times a day!

————————————–

CGNR: I stopped dating American two years ago.


EWR

Continental gate agent, to computer: You know what? THIS IS BULLSHIT!


PWM

Not really a quote, but airport-relevant.

In a Snapple cap: “Dolphins sleep with one eye open.”

THEY BETTER.


LAX to ORD

Daughter: Mommy, why is our plane late?
Mother: Because God said so.

 

-Scott R.


Posted in Chicago
Tags: , , ,

CLE

Three Orthodox Jewish girls arrive at the gate, pull out Hebrew prayer books (Siddur) and begin to pray.  Moments later…

Man: Is that a Bible there?

Girl: …No, it’s one of our prayer books.

Man, pulling out Bible: Oh, see, we have the Old Testament and the New Testament.  Do you have those?

Girl: No, that’s not part of our religion.

Man: So Jewish people don’t read the Bible?

Girl: No, that’s not part of our religion.

Man: Do you read the Hebrew translation?  Because the translations are really unreliable.  Each word can have several different meanings.


Posted in Cleveland
Tags: , ,

EWR to PWM

Father, to crying child: Maya, you need to BE QUIET.

Maya: I’m just trying to let my feelings out!

Father: Well do it QUIETLY!


Posted in Newark
Tags: , , ,

EWR – Who is the Parent Here?

Father, yelling after missing flight: YOU ARE THE WORST AIRLINE EVER! YOU HAVE LOST MY BUSINESS!  I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW INCOMPETENT YOU ARE!  NOW WE’VE MISSED THE FLIGHT AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!

Child, approximately 8: Dad, calm down…there has to be a way!


Posted in Newark
Tags: , , ,

ANC

Mother, to misbehaving 5-year-old:  You better behave once we’re on the plane.  Remember, I brought The Rope.

Child, crying, afraid: Nooo!  I don’t want The Rooope!


Posted in Anchorage
Next Page »

    Search

    About OATA

    This blog is devoted to all the glorious people who grace our presence in the airport, and who amuse us in times of great air travel frustration. Please email submissions to PrettyYouMayBe [at] gmail [dot] com.

    Archive

    Categories