Small boy, as plane lands: “We’re going down! We’re going down!”
Mother: “BRENDAN! That is NOT a good thing to say on an airplane!”
Small boy, waiting to deplane: “:SIGH: Well then, WHAT GATE are we going to?”
Mother: “Well, we’re leaving you at the Lost and Found, so…”
Gate agent, to a man with crutches: “Sir, do you need a wheelchair?”
Man with crutches: “No, I’m fine, thank you.”
Gate agent: “Are you sure? It’s really no problem.”
Man with crutches: “No thank you, I’m fine.”
Gate agent: “Okay…well, good luck with your leg!”
Man with crutches: “…Thanks.”
Man, as he reaches behind me for the second time to unplug his computer: Sorry, I didn’t mean to violate you again.
Background: There’s a passageway between the A, B, and C terminals at Logan International Airport that has a “seascape” theme. In accordance with said theme, there are many vaguely-shaped fish, divers, squid, etc. made of colored glass embedded in the floor. As I was going on my merry way one day I noticed the following “squid,” which leads me to believe that whoever designed this lovely “seascape” got a little bored and decided to delve deep into some latent, possibly Freudian issues within his wounded, wounded psyche.
All that comes to mind is…REALLY, Logan?
Man 1: Maybe I’ll add in the email, ‘It’s our one-week anniversary!’
Man 2: Yeah, you should send her a mammogram. CANDY GRAM! I meant candy gram!
Woman #1: I can read Portuguese, since I know Spanish. But READING Portuguese is different from UNDERSTANDING Portuguese.
Woman #2: Yeah. Portuguese is Spanish with a stroke.
Woman on phone: “Oh, hi honey…no, I’m not sober.”
Setup: This absurdly creepy man sat next to me on a plane and was telling me about his “girlfriend” from Kiev that he met online and was going to visit. This is merely a sample of the nuggets of pleasantness that came from this man’s mouth.
Creepy Guy Named Rex: My mother passed away a month ago. I see how my dad is now, and I really don’t ever want to be alone like that.
Me, Pressed Against the Wall of the Airplane in Sheer Terror: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.
CGNR: Oh it’s okay. It was actually a freak accident. She fell down the last four stairs in the basement, hit her head, and drowned in a pool of her own blood.
CGNR: So the first time I met my girlfriend in person, we got to the hotel and there were two twin beds…so we [pantomimes moving the beds together]. Then in the morning, I notice that she puts on the SAME underwear as the day before. Then the next day, she puts on the SAME pair of underwear. I asked her how many pairs she has, and she says “two.” So I went out and bought her a week’s worth of underwear, and said that American girls change their underwear up to four times a day!
CGNR: I stopped dating American two years ago.
Continental gate agent, to computer: You know what? THIS IS BULLSHIT!
Not really a quote, but airport-relevant.
In a Snapple cap: “Dolphins sleep with one eye open.”